Last Friday was a crappy day for me...at least some of it. I had spent the entire week stressed about church stuff some of which was self imposed and some of which was real. Friday it all came to a head and I almost lost it on the Kroger bakery lady. I ranted and ranted and ranted to myself, Drew, and others, but not the lady at Kroger. She was only exposed to my rudeness for a brief time. I begged for my happy endorphins from my first double digit run in months to come back. They were no where to be found and I was totally sad. Forcing back tears I made a new plan and that plan was for peace. I needed to have peace in my weekend and I spent the entire weekend seeking it.
The boys and Drew went on a weekend camping trip so it was just me and the girls. Instead of letting my mood interfere with our fun I sought out peace. I listened to Emma and Elena giggle. I listened to Ashlynn and Emma giggle. I listened to their conversations. I so enjoyed their simplicity. I got outside my head and really enjoyed my book.
I decided I needed simplicity on Saturday too. We decorated for fall, played, read, watched football, and ate ice cream. It was kind of the perfect day.
All my stress about church was disappearing and it was almost gone by the time I sat in church on Sunday morning. My heart finally felt almost at peace when I listened to the Lord's Prayer in English, French, Arabic, and Twi. It was beautiful, but I still needed something.
My something for the past several years has been running. It calms me even on the worst runs ever because my soul feels better about something always. Sunday afternoon I went on a 3 mile run. I listened to the same two songs on repeat and ran what pace felt comfortable. I could literally feel everything that had been weighing me down for days fall off with each step. Every little thing that was still bothering was gone in less than 25 minute and it was great. I finally felt at peace. I had not run that fast in months and it felt great. My happy endorphins were back and I felt at peace.
I am learning slowly but surely when I need to keep the peace in my life. I know it won't always be there...peace and calm and easy street. That is not what I am seeking. I am seeking what will keep me calm even on the crazy days and during the crazy weeks. Listening to the joy in kids voices, reading books so I can escape, running so I can let go, writing down some of my craziness here, and just watching what is around me. All of that allows me to feel at peace.