Our crazy week and running thoughts

Ever since the news broke about Boston on Monday I have not felt even the tiniest desire to blog about anything.  Anything in our life seems so insignificant to those events.  I can't even kind of imagine what it was like to be there running or spectating.  The loss of life, the loss of security, the loss of innocence....it is all so senseless.  But, as with anything major event that takes over my thoughts, our life still has to go on.  I still have to complete my mom and wife duties and try to do a good job at it.  So what have we been doing all week?

We have been running Jonah around everywhere.  Not actually, but it seems that way.  In addition to gymnastics, Jonah also had a Tiger Scout outing on Tuesday and a pack meeting tonight.  I went on the bakery tour as did Samuel and Elena.  They loved it because they all got ice cream and a cookie.  I will not go tonight because they will be learning about snakes and a snake will be there.  No way!

The carpets were cleaned today and the boys thought it was funny to have everything on their bunks.

Samuel spent most of Monday night vomiting all over the hallway, his bed, and the bathroom.  This little fun continued Tuesday morning.  He is feeling better now, but what a mess.  I love doing laundry at 2am and cleaning carpet at 2:30am.  On the bright side, I have spent lots of time with Samuel this week.  That part was good!

This is about as active as Samuel was all week...poor guy!

Elena is just as cute as ever being the perfect little sister.  Just kidding!  But, in reality she is a trooper going to all the activities of Emma, Jonah, and Samuel.  Last night at dinner Elena told us "you could post that on Facebook!"  I thought Drew would die laughing.

Emma is learning new skills at the gym and is very excited.  On Monday they began using the real vault.  She said it was scary running full speed at something you knew would not move.  She is braver than me!  Drew said she did great!

Getting ready for gymnastics

Drew learned "how" to be a coach for the boys baseball team.  That begins on Saturday.  Drew will miss the first game because he will be riding the MS150 with his friend Thomas.  We are going to Austin on Sunday to see him finish.

I have not been feeling great...very tired.  Still, I made time to run on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Tuesday was a 5 mile treadmill run which was awful.  The humidity was crazy bad.  Yesterday I ran 11 miles and the weather was still crappy.  I was thankful for each run...that I could run and I know Monday's events won't keep me from races either.  It is sad to me that I will think about such events at any future races. 

I have accepted the fact that I can't go to Pittsburgh to run with my friend, the awesome blogger here, as planned.  I am still horribly disappointed.  Someday we will run together!  To help get over this I decided to sign up for a local half marathon, the Angel Run.  It is going to be totally awful weather.  Running a fast half Memorial Day weekend with likely high temps is not going to bode well for me.  Still, I plan to enjoy the race and be thankful I can be part of such a great cause.

I also got new shoes and a running skirt.  New running gear makes me happy.  We had to go to the running store because I finally decided to trade in my Woodlands Marathon shirt.  Apparently the printer misprinted the shirts.  Since I never looked at the shirt (hated that marathon) I did not know this, but I found out through FB postings.  Since we were there I decided to try the Brooks Launch. I love my Glycerins and wanted to try a more minimal shoe.  They worked well on my 11 mile run. 

Green on has 26.2 Half Marathon...Um, I ran all 26.2 miles of that suck fest!

Boring stuff I know, but it was our week!  Hope you had a great week too!

Woodlands Marathon recap

Before anyone reads any further I would like to state that this is my blog.  These are my opinions and how I feel.  I have decided that I need to vent about yesterday.  I think it may be the only thing to help me feel better.   I try to be very positive and to find something positive in everything.  That is proving very difficult for me.

The things that went well.........there are a few of them.  I dressed perfectly for the weather.  Opting for the long sleeve shirt and skirt was a great decision.  The wind was biting cold and I did not feel warm in long sleeves until about mile 24.  I saw Drew and the kiddos three times.  I loved that so much.  I saw my friend Dawn which was totally unexpected.  It was a blessing because it came during a rough patch of running.  So, that is it. 

As for the rest of the 26.2, I don't have much good to say about it.  I really, really believed that I could run between a 3:45-3:50.  With the exception of the wind, the weather was perfect.  It was a great day to run.  I felt strong and well trained.  I keep thinking about the outcome and can only think of one thing I would change.

At mile 4.5 where the water station was to be, I should have just stopped, opened up a bottle of water, and took a big swig.  I wish I had done this.  I was too shocked to think clearly and already panicking about the GU in my stomach with no water to follow.  I would love to know if things would have turned out differently if I had water.  Maybe I should have carried my own water?

Having to stop three times thinking I was going to lose my breakfast during the last 10K was a nightmare.  Having to smell those Oreo cookies around mile 22 was the final straw. I don't think I will ever eat an Oreo again.  It was a nightmare because my legs felt good.  They had something to give and my stomach was making me want to cry.  I had to overcome my total frustration and utter sadness to keep running.

Knowing your goal is gone by mile 19 is crushing.  I wanted to stop so badly when I saw Drew and the kids at mile 20.  I was done mentally....just so sad.  Unfortunately and maybe fortunately I don't define myself as a quitter so I had to keep running no matter how much it sucked!  I saw a sign that said "You can't quit!  You aren't the Pope!"  Ha!

I did not remember to stop my watch when I ran through the finish line.  I did remember that I was running through it.  I never looked at the clock.  I started to cry.  Tears of frustration and failure were quickly wiped away because Emma, Jonah, Samuel, and Elena were so excited to see me.  All my tears since have been in private and I am sure I will cry some more. 

I am still having trouble eating today.  I am not sure if I can ever use GU again.  It is going to be a challenge.  I did everything yesterday that I did in training so it was either just not my day or the water thing.  Either way it sucked!

I am thinking the marathon is not for me.  I love training for it.  Racing it is another beast and I just don't seem mentally good enough for the marathon.  Maybe my goal was unrealistic.  Maybe I need to accept that I will never see a 3:49 by my name.  Whatever it is, I am over running for the moment.  I had the best 8 weeks of training and my time was crap.  To some it may seem great, but I expected more and I think it is crap. 

So, there you have it.  Three hours and 55 minutes and 25 seconds of hell.  My medal is in a box.  I can't even stand to look at it.  The shirt may go to goodwill tomorrow.  I have no desire to remember anything from this race.   I did have Drew take a finisher's picture of me.  I can't stand to look at it.  My smile is so fake. 

I don't plan to run for at least a week.  When I start to run again, it is going to be for fun.  That seems to be the only kind of running I am good at doing.

My rant and pity party is finished.  I am so sorry if you survived all the way to now.  I will try to be back to my positive self tomorrow!

I am thankful for all the love I received before and after the race.  That is what I will remember from this race....all the love because it was amazing!